The doors were slammed
Through the effect of being shaken
Scornful words were dropped from those tight-lipped doors
They inserted a monster inside my body at this house.
I talked with and I befriended it
Its name is the wall, indeed.
It was mute I assume
It taught me by maintaining its idleness
How I would lose my feelings
I thought I could fight in the orphanage of my house holding a cotton candy in my hand
I broke my baby teeth by clenching my jaw.
It downed on me that it was not working through standing up and coping with.
Like waking up with a start from a nightmare
In spite of my sweaty, shrunken chest cage
I saluted the sun
I grasped the sky with my trembling hands
And I tied the clouds at the tip of the rope
In case the wind touched me, I flew for sure
They used to say like this
Open your eyes, and let me resist this fog layer
Whatever I touch might dry out
This time the clouds though, shared their abundance with the world
I was jammed in my small pink fluffy skirt
The cotton candy in my hand dropped in the vase put in front of a window of a house
Should I tell you how a violet could turn into a cactus?
Could it be able to resist that soil like I could?
If you exist, then in my world there is a revolt
When you are gone, all the birds take some rest for their wings
You had the window of your heart
If you close the curtains, all the birds would be going to sleep
You were a sky that is not happy at all being blue for me
That was denying me the stars
That prevented the sun from entering my house for a cure
If I get out of my cage, I could be by you in fifty-nine flaps
I missed your voice, will you have a lightning flash?
For the last time
Your smiling eyes as they are swimming in tears
Where are your rains?
Yesterday I made a wish
Were your stars sick?
When the sun rose over my cage
I though you would not throw me into the fire
Your father was a cooking pot boiling the water every day in that kitchen.
He did not get it, it is impossible to frighten the fire with fire
My small house has been a funeral home for a long time
And in every breath you took, the lament at the funeral house was over
My father jumped over my resentment towards him indeed
That’s why I kept being short
You stepped over my love
That’s why my ribs stuck into my heart
You had a way up to the sky
These sort of men are gone ones, go away!
It has been months since all hell broke loose
Since I withdrew my hand from yours
The seagulls stopped flying in this world.
Your breathing made a child burst into laughter
You can make me cry through the sun
When the birds are about to die, they would bend their necks on their hearts
Alright, my neck is being bent, what is happening?
Since you are not going to speak, should I flap towards the lightning?
And a sparrow dropped on a pavement
To get to you took for a minute and thirty-five seconds
Half of my journey
My wrists were aching, yet it was my heart getting tired out of flapping
They did hurt me when you were gone
The slingshots aimed at me when you were gone
The windows of your heart exploded on me
They told that you can grow by condemning the cactus to darkness
How come they deprive a flower of the sun?
The birds would not at all rest their wings
When they love you very much, they would find you and shoot you
I am not sad about my dying, but if only you would have not aimed at that sparrow.
I am not sad about my dying, but if only you
Would not have left this cactus in darkness
These kind of men were big shots
A mountain reached another mountain, and the bird did get to the sky
It was not able to get a union with it for life
A flower did not accept at all being a thorn to humans
As a little girl was counting the stars in the sky
The untitled pain in the chest
With the cotton candy in her hand
She became a big woman
A little girl was in blood, sweat and tears
It didn’t cross in her mind to become a big woman when she woke up by a call “My Sparrow”
This nightmare had never been that fearsome
English Translation by Mesut ŞENOL